What up y’all!
Man, it’s exciting to be back here, watching this window and writing to you guys again. The past three weeks have been a relaxing… nay, OVER-relaxing 3 weeks for me. No doubt, it was an enjoyable time for me as I immersed myself into plenty of sports and physical training, all the while surrounded by like-minded people who also knew how to have a good time. Unfortunately, those 3 weeks left my mind pretty lethargic so I am glad to be back writing articles, mentoring our Alumni and getting my Falcon Swag on.
I did manage to hit the clubs twice during my military reservist training though. The first night, I hit it with Jordon and the night/morning ended with a “WTF” video which I am pretty sure I won’t be sharing with you guys unless you’re an Alumni haha. However, on the second night on Saturday, we managed to get some more fresh in-field footage as we build our extensive in-field footage library. I also created what I will term as “The Pitbull Walk“, which blitz a group of 5 gorgeous Women and made it one hell of a night for us. Stay tuned for a full breakdown video coming up in the next few weeks. I can’t wait to hit the clubs with my boys again this Wednesday as we prepare for a smashing PI this coming weekend!
On to my article for today :
Why Lifestyle Trumps Game
Back in 2007, I began dabbling in the Pick-Up arts. Hmm, I think dabbling is an under-statement. I invested much time and effort into that and eventually rose to become one of the top-guns of that generation of Pick-Up artists in Singapore. I developed good wit, good conversational skills, a good sense of humour and a cure for cancer. Okay, I might still be fiddling about for the last one. On the surface, I was THE man. But I really believe that at the end of the day, YOU are YOUR best critic. I realized that as much as I had mad kudos and approval from many of my friends and peers in the community, there was one huge, huge problem. I was not getting the results I want and I was NOT HAPPY.
I was constantly riding a high that I got from running “good game” on Women. Making them laugh, making them give me compliments. While all that isn’t necessarily bad, it was just like finishing runner-up in a competition. I don’t know about you, but I was really one for the Championship. Though I was able to pull off everything from make-outs and one-night-stands, I found out something about myself : I craved both female attraction and female affection. Getting a girl wasn’t enough for me. I think Captain Daniel Milton said it best : “If you’re going to sleep with a Woman, why not make it a Woman that you actually do like and who actually likes you as well?” That is why he has a rule : If she is good enough to take home tonight, she must be good enough to take out for breakfast the next morning. This proved to be a revelation for me. I realised that most of my success was not from Women who I wanted but from Women who I settled for. Those who I actually did like usually got away. I spent a lot of time after that thinking about how I could solve this issue and after a period of a few months, the answer came to me…
My Obvious Problems
I made the grave mistake of thinking that if I kept doing the same thing over and over again, things might turn out for the better. That if I kept going out to sarge and practice, I would get better. That turned out to be a time-consuming mistake. To be completely honest, apart from my confidence and diluted Approach Anxiety, nothing was getting better. I still had no idea what I was doing and always played a Reactive Game. It took a lot of wasted time, a ton of overwhelming frustration and wise words from an expert eye to make me finally realize my problems, which is the first step to making progress.
Poorly defined Core Values
Who we are as people is defined by our core values and beliefs. The way we act, the things we do, the reasons we do or say certain things. As a Pick-Up Artist, most of what I said was “cut & paste” into my personality. My core being was really a mess. I was hiding behind the stories of other people, living by the rules set by some dude online. Not to mention, when I was like a lost sheep, I was also getting advice with girls and life from people who don’t even know what they were talking about. The truth was, I was unsure of who I was and where I stood in my life and in that of others.
I noticed that a lot of what I did and talked about were really the same old activities, stories over and over again. It’s like if I met 30 Women, all of them would’ve heard the same heroic story of how I failed to look to my right and an old lady ended up saving my life when I was helping her cross the road. I haven’t actually talked about that for years and if I talked about it now, I’d be excited and have a good laugh about it. But back in 2008, I told this story over and over again that even I looked bored about it. And this was just one of the many stories that I repeated.
I lacked anything genuinely interesting to talk about after a while because I had no dimensions. My lifestyle consisted of working 9-5, going home to read pick-up material and sarging. I could hardly strike rapport or get mutual agreement because I lacked good time management to get out there and experience life for real. This prevented me from expressing genuine emotions because I had no outlet for that. I lacked a genuine vibe for Women to connect with!
Deep down, I was burnt out. Bored of sarging and getting flaked like a mofo. Out of 10 numbers, I had enough game to get a decent number of them replying my texts but I still had big issues with progressing further than a kiss. There was obviously something I was doing wrong but it was like Poker : The more you commit to the pot, the more invested you are in the Game. I kept thinking I would chance upon a revelation soon, perhaps the following week, but that was not to be. This made also indirectly made me suffer at work as well as made me skip my visits to the gym.
Thank God I met Val a few months later.
Poor Sexual Escalation
Despite all my problems, I had good superficial level game. I was able to gain attraction very easily when I am under no pressure to perform or impress. I was a great conversationalist, had a comprehensive understanding of social dynamics to know what to do at all times in the attraction stage but seduction was always a blur to me. Unfortunately, as we all know, all that focus on attraction is just over-hyped. Attraction is just a simple case of whether you have it or not. My seduction abilities were as effective as Superman’s powers in the presence of Kryptonite. I could always get the girl out on a date but I had major problems pulling the trigger without the aid of my wingman, Jack Daniels.
How I Overcame These Problems
If you’ve been following TDD all over the World, you’ve heard it over and over again. Lifestyle Trumps Game. I believe this to be true. First of all, let me give you my definition of what Lifestyle is to me. Lifestyle is a congruent projection of micro details that are built upon solid macro foundations. Allow me to explain further.
A projection of micro details would be the activities that are involved in your lifestyle. From the TDD stable, most of us have developed a consistent habit of staying in shape through hitting the gym, martial arts, parkour etc. Other activities would be regular outings with a great bunch of friends both male and female, as well as dates. We engage in all these activities because on a Macro level, we enjoy and see the importance of having of these activities to help us live a life that we love.
Defining Core Values
When I began my journey towards getting my dating life handled, I always searched for answers. I always believe that the answer was just a click away, or that I was missing a magical word of wisdom from some random internet guru. At first, I was wandering around aimlessly, adopting a hit/miss approach to see what might work for me. The truth is, most of the answers were actually to be found within me.
When I was frustrated with the lack of mentionable results, I spent a lot of time alone. During this time, I learned a lot about who I am as a person. I realized that I evolved and was no longer the same person from years ago. I learned that I developed different tastes. This came from me being more experimental in life, engaging in new activities in my life, gaining influence from adopted role models, mentors and like-minded peers.
I went from a rock-music lover to a hip-hop music lover. I realized that fiesty Women no longer scared me, but intrigued me. After coaching from Troy, I developed heightened self-awareness, which made me realize my true, immense value and really made me focus more on becoming The 24/7 Attractive Man, which instead of making me look for more skills to chase Women, made me focus on developing skills to help a woman help me. That is why Leading is such an important skillset.
Because we believe Women are Teammates, TDD-ers are masters of helping a Woman to help us. Since we are always in control, we know how to lead a Woman towards showing us her fun, charismatic, supportive, seductive qualities, bringing out the best in her. We know how to set her up for success so that we can justify our interest so that there will be no more need for games. All that time will just be spent on having an enjoyable time together.
Speaking With Enthusiasm
I went from speaking about boring, banal stuff to speaking excitedly and enthusiastically about what was going on in my life. I found myself engaging in new activities, trying out things I have never tried before (martial arts with Daniel, Parkour with Val to name a few) and it really filled invigorated my life and filled it with an uncontainable excitement.
This was possible because I figured out who I was at the core, developed an understanding my tastes, went out there to try out different activities to really experience what it was like. Through that, I found myself engaging in some awesome activities like free-running, parkour, a lot of soccer and starting next week, full-fledged mixed-martial arts.
The activities expand onto a social level as well. Due to my comprehensive Macro Plan, I never run out of activities to invite people to. I meet up with friends who I meet in clubs or like recently, in military reservist, for coffee, movies, drinks or partying the night away. This in turn helps me expand my social and business network, which helps because I love partying and I am an avid entrepreneur. Some of our TDD guys even participate in Flashmobs, dance classes and art showcases (yea, we are that diverse!).
Think about it :
With a lifestyle that active, what’s there not to be excited about? Even better, what’s there for a Woman not to be excited about when dating you?
Defining My Values on Sex
Some of the big beliefs which I developed was my values on sex and intimacy. Up till the age of about 20 years old, I had always thought of sex as a favour that Women give to Men. This was due to influences from the mass media, school and even our crappy Singapore Channel 8 TV dramas. This really made me face a lot of issues with sex and intimacy. I had a 3 of girlfriend from 13-20 years old and I was always too afraid to be intimate. Like the first time I held hands with a girl, the first time I kissed a girl, were all initiated by the girl. I think I still throw-up a little thinking of it today haha. But all those experiences came to become strong lessons as I developed a greater understanding and acceptance of my masculine sexuality.
Women Want Men
This age-old TDD concept is the first mindset that we teach on our PIs and Masterclasses. Why do you think Women spend countless hours and huge amounts of money to stay beautiful? Why do you think they doll-up and head to a club instead of like some female-only spa at night? Why is the relationships and dating section one of the most popular sections in Women’s magazines and online communities?
Men want Women, Women want Men. We are meant to co-exist. Which brings me to the next mindset :
Women Are Teammates
This was a really big lesson for me. The first time I heard this, it took me a while to ingrain it into my psyche. I realized that Men and Women were actually similar on some distinct levels. As strange as it might sound, I actually never considered that a Woman would actually be glad if I held her hand, stroked her face, gave her a massage, gave her a kiss or great sex with her. I always thought that it would be like a sacrifice for her to allow me to do all that, that I needed her permission. It took me a great deal of questioning and experience for me to realize that it was nothing like that. Women wanted the same things I did. If she liked me, she would want me to touch her, hug her, kiss her, be intimate with her.
It wasn’t about any of us losing out. It was about both of us having a good time. As a Man, I walk the talk and lead by example, which is why when the interest is justified, I escalate with no second thought.
Embracing these beliefs allowed me to release my conflicting thoughts about sex and intimacy with Women, which allowed me to incorporate a nice touch of sexuality to my personality and lifestyle. I would liken my archetype to that of a modern-day Casanova. As a born hopeless romantic, I am a fan of sprawling, romantic settings and sweeping a Woman off her feet. I have a strong love for sexy music, ranging from John Legend to sexy salsa and even R&B grooves. I am inspired by stories of great seductions and admittedly, even some Hollywood love stories.
After getting my macro-view on sex handled, these micro-level details allowed me to come up with some of the most romantic and unforgettable date ideas. A fine example would be from my HerWorld Magazine article, in which I took the reporter out on a River Cruise date, which is really the kind of date I’d love to take a girl who I like on.
A good fusion of the Macro and Micro level details ensures congruency of your character. This is why you will always find TDD articles that tackle issues from both a Macro and Micro viewpoint. We believe in a holistic solution to any issue because if you half-ass something, it’s going to half-ass you back. When you adopt a holistic and comprehensive approach towards a situation, you can elicit overall improvement which will allow you to grow congruently into character.
Let’s not forget the simplest of rules of life : X=X. If you meet a quality girl, how do you expect to have retention with her if you do not have a quality life to bring her into? All the game in the world won’t help you attain anything meaningful if you cannot even get a girl out with you past date #3. This is to me one of the biggest reasons why Lifestyle trumps Game.
Lifestyle Trumps Game
Being attractive is not something that you do. It is a state of BEING. A congruent fusion of an attractive personality and an attractive lifestyle enables you to become universally attractive anytime, anywhere. This is what being the 24/7 Attractive Man is all about.
Live and Love,
Skype : xavierrrr