Let’s talk about Retention

What up guys!

The Good : Subway , The Bad : Mandarin Menu , The Ugly : I can't read Mandarin

First and foremost, this is my first ever post from Shenzhen, China. I have managed to find a software which allows me to access restricted sites like Facebook, Twitter, Wordpress as well other social networking sites and this has brought upon me an unexplainably big sense of joy haha.

So the past few weeks have been spent adjusting to life post-Lifestyle Retreat. Personally, I found the Lifestyle Retreat to be a thoroughly enriching experience for the heart, mind and soul… but it was also extremely exhausting. Partying everyday from 9pm-4am and de-briefing until 7am for 10 days straight is no joke. It cannot get more intense than that : 11 days of lessons before and after some hardcore partying (and on some days, fucking) right up to the very hour you head to the airport. I would describe it to be something like the D-Day of dating programs haha. I would like to congratulate the students and entire TDD Crew who were there in Manila on yet another successful Lifestyle Retreat. (I have already begun anticipating the next one haha.)

Me Picking-Up women in 2007

I look back at the past 3 years of my life since I began my journey towards taking control of my dating life and I cannot help but smile. I would consider mine a success story that is not only educational but also very inspiring. Every time I give a seminar and look at the pictures of myself in the past, I can’t help but feel a sense of satisfaction. Up till this very day, I still savour every moment I spend in the field. I’ve lead a dating life that most people won’t even go as far as to dream about. I’ve established a social network where there is a constant flow of mutual trust and love. Being in control of all these things have led to me excelling on the professional front as well. I am more focused at work, which led me to create and implement ideas which brought me success that propelled me to the top level at the ripe young age of 22 years old.

But I know this is not the case for everyone who joined this community.

I was looking around in the Singapore Lair, Greater China and Hong Kong Lair, Malaysian Lair, Manila Lair and Thailand Lair and I saw a very alarming pattern. There were really a lot of people who come in with great spirit and enthusiasm, only to fade away in a similarly quick fashion.

I was having a discussion with the TDD Singapore Crew yesterday during one of our regular BBQ-Pot Luck sessions and apparently, the same thing was happening to people around them : People were falling out-of-line with their goals.

There are a number of reasons why this happens :

Misplaced Focus

These people tend to be the “Keyboard Jockeys”, “Armchair Theorists” or NATO (No Action, Talk Only) people. They read up extensively on lessons and techniques which make them feel like they invested a lot of time and effort. They are well-versed in skills and techniques in theory, some going as far as to know a lot of history about the various gurus they follow. In the field however, their results tend to be poor due to the pressure they put on themselves from being “too wise”.

To me, this is pretty much like training to be a good soccer player by playing a lot of basketball. You’d be faster and fitter, making minor improvements here and there but because the focus is misplaced on the wrong techniques, the goal of being a good soccer player cannot be accomplished. These people then abandon the lifestyle entirely and tell themselves that “it wasn’t for them” or that “the techniques don’t work”.

Lack of Macro Strategy

One of the hallmark traits of my crew all over the world is that we are big-picture people. We are not only the best wingmen for one another in the field, we are friends who are part of one another’s lifestyles. We are inter-linked with one another’s social circles and networks. Our beliefs towards Women and our approach of making allies everywhere makes us proud of who we are and what we do.

Having been a veteran of the Singapore Lair, I see a lot of people coming in, sometimes meeting people but drawing the line of the relationship at “Wingmen” status. Also, most people do not have a lifestyle. TDD-ers are not PUAs simply because being the 24/7 Attractive Man is a state of being. If you are truly attractive, you will realize that there is a lot less work that has to be done ;-)

Solution Time

The truth is, being really good with Women is a long-term thing. In the field of seduction, most people just dabble in the art. X=X , you reap what you sow. It comes as no surprise that most people fade out so quickly. Essentially, they are getting the wrong kind of satisfaction.

It’s just like Self-Improvement Junkies. The Singapore Lair is full of them actually. Reading tons of books, listening to hours/days of podcasts, watching this and that DVD, learning from this/that guru. These people bask in the satisfaction of having lots of wisdom but having no results to show for it. Don’t become that guy.

If you want to be able to stay on a path that will see you attaining real, satisfying results, let me offer you some solutions right now :

Have Teammates

The Crew at TDD Singapore's Homecoming party

Having a circle of quality friends who double-up as wingmen/wingwomen is an invaluable asset when it comes to dating. X = X and it only makes sense for a cool guy to have cool friends. If a woman actually meets you in a club and she likes you, but observes that you have weird or awkward friends, she will start doubting you.

The kind of people in your crew should really understand you and know how to play up your strengths, not put you down in front of women you want to date. They should also be able to provide a constant source of motivation and inspiration for you during your journey towards becoming the 24/7 Attractive Man. This won’t be an easy journey and having friends who can be your wingmen/wingwomen or mentors who support you will certainly go a long way.

Today, I am surrounded by Champions in the form of The TDD Family. It’s amazing to have a network of allies all over the world that not only help me in dating, but who bring about endless privileges in life as well.

Have a Macro Strategy

So what happens when you attain the skills that you sort out to attain? What’s next? Truth is, most people are clueless. In fact, most people have interactions and just “hope for the best”/”see where it goes”. This is the difference between TDD students and most people out there. We have a Macro Strategy and the skills, knowledge to make sure we accomplish our goal. We’re not people who live one day at a time and hope for the best, failing to see things in the long-term, thus experience a lot of things in life fall through and become half-done.

I like to work backwards when it comes to having a Macro Strategy. Basically, what I do is I envision my end goal in my mind  and I slowly visualize the steps that I took to get there. This makes everything so much clearer and all I do after that is execute the visions that I had and voila, mission accomplished.

When it comes to dating, I have found that every time I imagine dating a girl, I always imagine the dates or events that will build up to the moment we become a couple. A lot of those visions are of me and the girl going on dates that appeal to me. For example, if I wanted to take a girl on an ice-cream date, first, I identify an ice-cream joint that I actually like. In the process, I charm the staff and they will recognize me and serve me better when I re-visit. When I eventually bring my date there, everyone ends up having a good time and that would be a smooth transition for escalation.

Personally, I envisioned a lifestyle where I would have no lack of female attention. This required more than having good game. It demanded that I put in effort to forge quality relationships and pick-up healthy, invigorating habits that help me win both in love and life. Milfton monster and I were actually the top guns in the Singapore Lair when I signed up for the Masterclass. It turned out to be a humbling experience which taught me lessons to take myself many levels higher than before.

Take the shot!

If you don't take the steps, you will go NOWHERE!

I personally find that a lot of guys do not actually take the shot. In fact, they do everything EXCEPT take the shot. They think that reading more material (most of it, pretty stupid) than anyone, going out 3 times a week and doing practically nothing makes them deserve better results. That’s not the way it works. The fear of approaching a woman, talking to her or even escalating on her cripples some men.

I have been there. Believe it or not, when I first began my foray into being good with Women, I spent THREE weeks going out everyday in the day time before I made my first approach. And then there was the night scene. If you see me in a club these days, you would be not be foolish to think that I was born to operate in a club. The truth is, I never actually liked clubs until 2 years ago… I would even go as far as to say that I hated it. I was paralyzed by the overwhelming amount of things that were going on… as much as music, drinking and having fun with friends can be enjoyable, deep down, I was hoping that somehow, I would be able to meet a Woman.

Somehow… I didn’t know how or what would happen but that hope was always there. I believed that “somehow” would solve itself once luck picked me in the club lottery. After adopting that approach for over 2 years, I decided I had enough and started taking the shots. I started to really meet Women, talk to them, escalate on them. I made mistakes here and there but I learned valuable lessons from them.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again : I always wished I took a Private Instruction earlier. I think the same can be said by all our TDD alumni. Every day that goes by is one day less of living the life you want to lead. I wish I took a PI right at the beginning so that those few months I spent through trial and error could have been spent efficiently. I was barely a year into my job and money was tight but like Troy said, think long-term. When I thought about it, paying that amount was really a great investment in the long-term. It was a small price to pay for so much success.

Alright people, if you haven’t already, you will want to implement my advice immediately and start enjoying real success!

Live and Love,




Skype : xavierrrr

One response to “Let’s talk about Retention

  1. True that bro! True that. I’ll have to start looking at the big picture myself too.

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