A Life To Love

Hey Guys,

This will be the last update on my end for a while as I fulfill the final commitments of my travel schedule and take the necessary steps to make this the most amazing December of my life. As I prepare for another Masterclass weekend tomorrow, I thought I’d write a post for everyone out there.

Challenging Assumptions

“Maybe she’s with her boyfriend.”

“Maybe she has better things to do.”

“Maybe she’s busy.”

“Maybe she doesn’t want to talk.”

Sound familiar? It most certainly does to me. These were the excuses that I gave myself again and again when I hesitated upon making an approach. I am not going to lie : there is no denying that the Asian culture here is not as used to dealing with interactions from complete strangers and as a young man living within the Singaporean society, all the more these excuses actually seem like valid reasons for me to not approach a woman.

Back when I was still starting to make sense of the dynamics between men and women, I found myself giving lots of excuses. Like one of my early mentors, Val, would tell you, I would go out for 4-5 hours on some days and not do a single approach. I was always waiting for the right moment.  My inexperience was what caused my mind to wander and make me nervous. The truth is, in those seemingly “perfect” moments, there was a very real chance that things were not as perfect as I thought they were. It was very possible that a girl who was alone and bored (2 positive requisites for a successful interaction) was actually having some alone time and does not want to be disturbed.

In my experience thus far, I’ll strongly believe : There is no perfect moment.

So what should I do?

There are many ways in which a person can solve this problem (drink alcohol, getting someone to push them, drug abuse etc.). But I want to share with you my personal and most favorite solution.

Challenge your assumptions. Developing a good understanding of the dynamics between men and women (which is what TDD specializes in) will help immensely. The more knowledge I had, the clearer things became and the more confident I was. With this new found knowledge and confidence, it was a lot easier to approach a woman despite these assumptions I had in my head.

Be comfortable with success and failure. There is no such thing as PERFECTION. If you have been thinking that there will be a magic pill out there that will bring you instant success with women, let me smash that belief for you right now : There isn’t. As rare as they are, I am not ashamed to admit it : there are times where I did not have a successful interaction. These times are usually due to logistics and matters I can not control. What I do is this : Celebrate from the successes, learn the lessons from the failures and move on.

And here’s where it gets better…

The more I actually approached women successfully, the more it cemented the lesson in my head that all these assumptions were just my mind’s way of protecting my ego. I realised that most of the time, all these assumptions turn out to be false. In fact, as I practiced further, I realised that even if my assumptions proved to be right, by the law of X=X, it turned out that my undeniable good-vibe made the woman commit to an interaction with me. With the addition of my high-level awareness, I was more than capable of continuing the interaction very smoothly because I knew the dynamics of a good Macro Plan thus enabling me to make spontaneous decisions and enable me to give the women what they wanted : DIRECTION.

I adopt this same belief to all aspects of my life. Challenging assumptions also helps your life become less complicated. Most of the time, we already know whether or not we want to escalate things with women or with a task at hand. It is all these assumptions that cause unnecessary worry and hold us back. Knowing that there is not perfect moment and that failure and success are all very realistic possibilities no matter what, I choose to act. It is better to take a chance and gain a learning lesson from it than to not take one at all and regret.

You know what you want. Now push aside all these assumptions and just take action to make it yours!

Live and Love,

Xavier

xav@troydizondating.com

http://alife2love.com